The Ozmerican Life

All the past blogs of mine have been on the fluffy side. Just some lighthearted fun stories, silly antics, and funny pics of the daily happenings that go on around our house on a daily basis. Which is fun and gives our family and friends abroad a sense of being with us, being a part of our daily lives, a little hint into the personalities of our kids and who we really are. But really, that's not who I am.

I don't really see me as a fluffy sort of a lady. In my opinion when it comes to relating to and sharing myself with others there are only 2 options. You can have a lot of friends far away or a few friends close. I always choose a few friends close. I don't really get a kick out of being able to throw a party and have 100 people on the list...of doing something with someone new every weekend of the year, of trying to figure out what invitation I should except for a certain evening, or most of all...changing myself to be able to relate and get along with every person I meet. It's just silly in my opinion. I don't do small talk very well...I just like to dig right in.

When I die, I'd rather have one person be able to tell you every little detail about me than 152 people stand up and say, "uummmm...she was nice....." and stop right there because that's all they knew about me.

So here's a real little insight into me and parenting struggles with my precious, sweet, funny, delicious Jentzen...probably the biggest reason why I stayed home this past week, and the biggest reason why I'm so so glad I did...and like I said before, a little break from the fluff. I debated whether to even record this. I decided that I would need to go back and re read this many times in the future, so it's really for me, my tag along readers, and sweet Jentzen to read some day and realize he owes me one :)

I was standing in the kitchen one evening with D. D. (you know who you are:) and out of the mouth of my sweet little Jentzen came this awful sassy attitude, something I had not heard from him....EVER! It was sometime about a year ago. The details of exactly when and exactly why escape me. That's not really the important part, it was the fact that this ugliness had come out of his sweet little mouth. DD and I stood there dumbfounded. As I picked my mouth up off the floor, I'm sure I disciplined him in some sort of way, probably half laughing at the shock.

And I now see that whatever I did for disclipline must not have been very effective because it is not one year and some odd days later and I am still dealing with a little attitude, some sassiness and his impulsiveness. It's one year later and it's just now getting dealt with effectively. I hoped it was a phase he would outgrow, nope. I hoped he would wake up one morning sass free, nope. I hoped my discipline that didn't work yesterday, would magically work the next, nope. What was once maybe in the slightest bit, cute and funny, was now becoming quite rude and obnoxious. He just seemed to go along his day doing whatever he fancied. I could tell him, NO! 1000 times...in every tone and volume. Nothing. I could send him to his room, Nothing. I could turn his little bottom red, Nothing.

I had lost all parental confidence with him. And I'm tellin' ya...he KNEW it!!! He knew he had me. I cringed if I had to take him in public as who knew what he would do. I used to think I was a patient person. One has to have some degree of patience with 4 kids 4 and under. But the more my patience was tested, the more it ran out. Did you know it's possible to run completely out of patience? I didn't, but I do now. And what does a mom who doesn't have one drop of patience look like? NOT pretty! We'll just leave it at that, you can use your imagination. Everything in parenting that had been successful in the past was no longer working....yet I still tried again and again and again. More ugliness.

Every time, getting more impatient and irritated. Two things that are absolutely are not of God. Pretty much a rule of the land, if you feed something, it will grow. And boy was I feeding my nasty ugly flesh. So much that I found it difficult to have a good attitude toward Jentzen when he was obeying or being sweet. I just expected the bad and I was ready to fight back when it came. I didn't like myself, and I didn't like showing that to my other kids as acceptable behavior. I was contemplating my own behavior one day....and the truth hit me. There is no way I would let the kids treat each other the way I was treating Jentzen, or any of the other kids. That is the simple truth. And because the frustration was raging in me...it just spilled out on all the other kids...totally overeacting to everything. The things that some might see as no big deal, were the last straw for me.

He really is the sweetest, cutest thing and that's the problem. He'll bat his little eyelashes, and shoot hit adorable little grin and it makes you simply melt. Even in his sassiness there's the cutest little face, all scrunched up with defiance with crossed little arms. Then Nathan would come home from work to a crabby, on edge family. While I'm at home, I think it's my job to keep things in order so when Nathan walks in the door all is under control, happy wife, happy kids ready to greet him. A peaceful resting place for him to come into. This was not very often the case. Jentzen would pull out, "I love you daddy," in the cutest little puppy dog face. He's quite the charmer when he wants to be.

But the little guy is implusive. If he wants to throw a toy, it's up in his hands and smashed to the ground before you can even blink. There is never a chance to actually stop something before it happens. It's done and gone. And it's almost as if after he does something he has completely forgot what he just did...and if there was a consequence, it didn't really bother him. Kids have a lot of traits that are somewhat irritating and time consuming when they are young, but if groomed and managed correctly are great traits to have as adults. But being impulsive and having a lack of self control...I can't think of one single area or place in life where it's beneficial. Not One. This is something that had to be dealt with and I was desperate for a solution.

I'd get after him for different things he did, he would be sassy back, I'd get after him for that...and to get back at me, he'd do something else...a vicious circle.

So I was really really looking forward to this time with him and Ava. For starters, taking out Quaid just adds a different dynamic between them, second, we would be taking a week off school so I had more time, and third, I was just dedicating this week to Jentzen. Pray about him, talk to him, just sit with him and see what happens. We kept busy, going here and there...no huge advancements, things were pretty good, but not where I wanted them.

It all came down to Saturday night. I'm not going into details, because honestly, I'm ashamed of myself. I was ugly and Jentzen was crying...I hauled them off to grandma's where they were spending the night and was never more happy to leave...and I was sad. This was my week, and this was nearly the end and I feel worse than when it started. I'm a failure to my boy and to myself.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon after work. I came to my mom's. My wise mother and I had a figure out Jentzen session, came up with a plan and I was encouraged. I got home had another heart to heart with DD and was feeling empowered.

Had I ever told him WHY we don't throw toys? Have I ever told him WHY we don't whack a cup off the table, sending it flying through the kitchen? Have I ever told him WHY we don't chuck a rock at his sister's head? To some you would think obvious...you would think. Well it never occurred to me that maybe "no" was not enough for him. And just because I think he should know what not to do and how to behave that maybe he needs reminding...to have it fresh in his mind....every time. I was treating him like he was 2. There is no reasoning with a 2 year old...but my Jentzen is almost 4. The time had slipped past, he has grown up, but I changed nothing, and I was underestimating him. If I would just slow down and spend the time it would sink in...and yelling at him from across the room was just not cutting it. Gaining self control, with an impulsive urge is something that needs to be reminded of again, and again, and again, and again. I was just not giving him the time he needed. Correcting once was not going to stop it for good.

So test #1...I was getting dinner ready and I look over and there is Jentzen, up on the table splashing in the fish tank. Why? Who the heck knows...but you would think he would just know that it's not acceptable. After all I had said it many many times before to probably every kid. Those are things that just irritate me, things that just obvious...and normally that the years worth of frustrations would have hurled out of my mouth with a yell. But instead, I stopped what I was doing, calmly walked over, went through the whole scenario starting at we don't splash in the fish tank and ending with it will kill the fish. He looked at me happily, "Okay Mom!" and hopped down and that was it. He hasn't touched it since. No way! Was that it?? Was that all I had to do?? So every time since, I have done the same thing. My tender, precious boy listens intently, answers my questions about what will happen and what the result is when he does certain things...and that is that. Peaceful discipline. I have found it, I have found what works for sweet Jentzen. To me, that is the parenting challenge: Who is each child, what to they need from me, and how do they need to be treated.

We had an awesome night and as I went to bed, I was just praying for him and praying for me as I have done so many times during the past year. I was in tears, this was different, I knew that things had changed, things had changed for good. That spirit of irritation, impatience, and frustration that I had fed over and over and over again...that had grown so strong in me, so strong between us was broken. I look at him differently than I had before, he looks at me differently. There is just a calmness between us.

I put him to bed at night and pray with him and it's no longer a feeling of disappointment from the things that have gone on that day, but a feeling of accomplishment, that my boy is learning, he is becoming more self controlled and Christ in me has risen above the ugliness of my flesh and is overtaking more and more each day and is oozing onto my boy, my little man who is becoming more and more victorious in his own little actions. At that moment Christ had won. I had finally given up control, and a burden was lifted. I felt rest and peace in my house.

My boy is honestly changed, he is a new little happy content bundle of bouncing giggles and smiles. Mama is happy and so are the rest of the kids. We're not 100% there... he still has brought out the, "you're a bossy mommy!" :) from time to time...all kids need constant direction...but we are finally running along the right path.

I am thankful that the Lord placed that unsettling feeling about going on the trip...He had a purpose. There is no Eiffel Tower or white sand beach in the world that would ever compete with that moment.

Oh how I LOVE that face!!!