The Ozmerican Life

This story isn't really about my kids. I guess you could relate it to them in a way. I plan to home school my kids. Instances like this make my husband and sometimes myself think..."Are you sure you are capable of teaching your kids??? Should we really be letting our kids education rest in your hands??"

Deb and I purchased an item from Uppercase Living. It's one of those home parties that comes with a huge catalog where you're guilted into buying something because if you don't, what kind of friend are you? Truth be told, I have absolutely NO PROBLEM whatsoever going to a home party at one of my friends, eating lots of yummy food, and walking out with exactly the same amount in my pockets that I came with and not one bit of guilt.

But this was different, I actually wanted what was being sold. It's the coolest stuff ever! Vinyl stick-ons of everything and anything for you your home. Deb and I got identical pictures and we've had them since early last summer. Finally Deb said, we're going to the store and doing them. Now the two of us are not known for being crafty. I do not like anything creative. I make quilts and that's about it. For sure not crapbooking....(no, I didn't forget the s...I left it out on purpose :) So this was a jump for us...

We went to Michael's got the canvas, went to Lowes, got the paint and we dove right in. Painting the canvas now there was something we could do...then it came for the 2nd part sticking the botanicals (the manly name for fu-fu flowers D and I created) on the canvas....a big long pause....

Me: "Well how are we going to get them straight?"

D: "I don't know."

Me: (feeling quite proud of my genius idea) "Let's get a tape measure!!"

D: "Yeah good idea."

Me: "Okay now what?"

D: "You can do the measuring part."

Me: (knowing there's probably an easier way but not knowing it) "Well if we measure the canvas, and then measure the botanicals and subtract the two and then divide that number by two that will give us how much needs to be on each side? "

D: "Yeah sure, you're doing the measuring,whatever you think."

Me: "Well the canvas is 16" wide and the botanical is 11 and 7 little lines. How much is that?"

D: "I don't know."

Me: "Well hhmmm....okay half of 16 is 8. That can be where the middle of the botanical should go...I'll draw a line there. Now what's the middle of the botanical."

D: "Like I said, you're doing the measuring part!"

Me: "Okay what's half of 11?

D: "I can do that....5 1/2"

Me: "Okay so we need 5 1/2" and then 3 and 1/2 more lines...to make the 11 and 7 lines."

D: "Great...do that!"

Me: "There's 5 1/2" and then one, two, three...and a little bit...there!"

Me: "Now on the other side 5 1/2" one, two three and a little bit!"

D: "Looks good to me."

Me: "Okay now we need to get it evenly placed from top to bottom...the canvas is 20" and the botanical is 2 lines under the 18."

Me: "So that leaves 2 inches and 2 lines from the 20...so if we measure 1 inch and 1 line from each end that will be perfect!!!"

Somewhere in that process...I can't remember we brought out the calculator and tried dividing something only to give us a decimal...something .875...who the heck knows how many little lines that is on a tape measure...that was useless!!!

Hey, it may have not been a pretty way to measure...but the end result sure is!!!

Needless to say..."Reading a Tape Measure" will be taught by daddy in his shop!


PS...if anything looks a little off....it was the canvas that was crooked...not our measuring techniques!!!!